Flop
by StarKisses
Summary: **Based off Sarah Darer Littman's novel "Purge." A one-shot for ALPoH's first ever writing challenge.** Carol's friends were only trying to help her when they told her parents about her eating condition. But she doesn't see it that way.


No one understood. That's why I was sitting here in this room with this plain spiral notebook I was supposed to be writing in. I write all the time, so why not give it a whirl. I was happy, relatively, where I was. It wasn't a problem; it was a way of coping. Lauren did something similar to make the pain go away, so when she ratted me out to Sage who told her parents, I was shocked. Was she not the one that Sage and I spent three hours at the dead of night yelling at and contact Christian Online Help Lines for help when we found out about her bulimia? Was the not the one who's hair I held out of her face and comforted as she stuck her finger down her throat to purge the alcohol we'd spent the night drinking? And yet, here I am, in this crazy house, because of her. She should be here with me, but her past lies there, at least I hope it toes, and I don't want to bring it back to the surface. Besides, her parents know.

Mine should have. It was obvious enough. I came home from school and ate a dinner. I was always hungry and nearly always eating. And then I'd go through a period of a few days of eating very little, because I'd made myself sick of food. I don't see what the problem is. The doctors tell me I need to eat more, so I do. I eat for almost three weeks straight, only stopping for class, sleeping, and maybe about thirty minutes in between "snacks." I used to eat a lot anyway, and they told me to eat more. Every time it was "you need to gain weight." Maybe if I ate 24/7 I would be able to do that. What? I'm only doing what the doctors told me. And that's what I told Lauren.

---

"There are healthier ways of doing that, Carol!" She screams at me.

"Like what?" I yell back, tears streaming down my face. We've been fighting for the past forty minutes. I hated it when we fought. "I've tried everything else!"

"Gain some muscle, maybe!"

"By doing what, killing myself? You know I can't do sports!"

"Lift weights!"

"Oh yeah, cause five fucking pounds is really gonna do a whole bloody lot!" I roll my eyes and turn my back on her. She grabs my arm and spins me around to face her. At six foot one, she's a lot bigger then me; it'd be foolish to fight her. Sage sat on my bed crying. This was all a repeat of two years ago at my birthday party. Except now I'm Lauren.

"Listen to me!" she snapped. "Look what you're doing to yourself!" She glared at me till I looked at my feet, and when I didn't look back up into her face, she tilted my head up forcefully so I could see her eyes. I winced at the suddenness of it, thinking she was going to smack me. Her green eyes filled with tears as she let her fingers trace my jawbone and up the side of my neck. Remembering she was mad at me, she spun away from me, crossing her arms.

"I think what Lai is trying to say," Sage butted in, standing up as Lauren took her place. "Is that this isn't getting you anywhere. Is it?" I didn't answer her. "Cay! Look at me!"

"No." I said, still not turning around.

"Excuse me?" I picture it, she was standing behind me akimbo tears streaming from her blue-gray eyes staring at me like I just said the most vulgar thing she's ever heard mixed with complete outrage.

"No," I turned to face her. Yep, that exact expression. We knew each other so well. "What I mean is that it's not getting me anywhere…. I guess."

"You guess?" Lauren stepped back in to the conversation. "What is there to fucking guess?" I shrug.

Sage sighed and sat back on my bed. "Have you gained any weight?"

"A little."

Lauren laughed coldly. "Which you just loss when you make yourself so sick."

"I'm actually getting better, _Lai_." I snap her name with disgust.

"Bull. Shit."

"Lai!" Sage pulls her down onto the bed. "Not helping!"

"Well she's not getting any fucking better." She sobbed into Sage's arms. "She just thinks she is for whatever fucking reason!"

"You know shit!" I yell at her. "There's nothing fucking wrong with me!"

---

And that's what led me here. I got a call from Sage and Lauren yesterday, but I didn't feel like talking to them. I know they were just trying to help, but I don't want it. I don't need it. I'm just doing what the doctors said.

These crazy doctors say I have a disorder called Binging. I eat, but I don't purge. It's supposedly just as bad, but not as deadly. Unless you get diabetes, and then still, you never hear of people dying from eating unless it's an allergic reaction. I'm perfectly fine. But mum flipped and spent a bunch of money we don't have and got me locked up in this hellhole.

"Carol?"

I bent my head backwards over the chair to see who called my name. "Oh, hi, Janie."

Janie was a patient who had been cured a while back. She was bulimic, but is apparently all-better now. Why she comes back here on her own free will, I will never know. She says that it's because she understands what we're going through and she wants to helps us get over it just like she did. She's no better the one of the crazy doctors when she's talking like that, but otherwise she's pretty cool.

"How are you today?" She asks, sitting on the couch.

"Are you asking me as a doctor, or as a person?"

"As your friend." I huff at the word. "I know you've had some issues with your friends lately," she continues. "But they were just trying to help you, you know."

"Like I haven't heard this a million times before." I rolled my eyes, pretending to be suddenly interested in the picture on the wall. It was actually quite ugly.

"I know," she whispered. It was followed by the big empty silence I hated.

"Carol?" Nurse Kay called.

"Yeah?" I answered annoyed.

"Phone call."

"Who is it?"

She shrugged. "Dunno."

I stood up annoyed, and followed her out of the room and to the phone. She walked off and I picked it up. "Hello?"

"Oh thank God." It was Lauren's voice.

"Not you." I went to throw the phone back on the receiver when her voice rang from the earpiece once more.

"Don't hang up!" She screamed. Then she softened her voice and said, "Just listen, okay?

I put the phone back up to my ear, glaring. "I'm listening."

"You know we only told to help you right?"

"Yes," I roll my eyes for what feels like the hundredth time today, irritated.

"Good," she sighed with relief. "So, Golden Slopes huh? Sounds like a whore house."

"Try a prison consisting of stick people, physcos, and the people who "want to make everything better." I mocked.

"Sounds like you fit right in."

"Haha, very funny."

She laughed, even though it sounded like she may have been crying recently. "You know I'm kidding. Yeah, it sounds like hell."

"Urg, you have _no _idea."

"So are you excepting visitors yet?"

"No, sorry. I don't want my parents to come and whine about how sick I am and whatever other bull they feel like bringing to the table," I tell her irritated.

"Ah, I see." She pauses for a moment before continuing. "You know we love you and miss you, right?"

I sigh heavily. "Yeah, I know." I feel bad for having been so pissed off at her for the past few weeks. I saw Nurse Rose hovering nearby, watching me. I rolled my eyes. _Again. _"Err, hey, I have to go. One of the crazies need the phone and the nurse is hovering like a vulture."

She giggled. "Okay, Cay."

"That's so repetitive."

"I know." She giggled again. I could picture her holding her little silver cell phone up to her ear, laying on her bed smiling. "I miss you," she said a little quieter but not quite a whisper.

"I know."

"I love you." She said it in the same tone. At least she wasn't ashamed to say it anymore.

"I love you too," I chocked. Tears were forming rather I wanted to or not. And I tried to avoid tears in this place as much as possible. If you cry, they think its need for a "one-on-one session." I didn't want to go down that road again.

"Can you promise me something?"

"Anything."

"Get better." She was crying again, I could tell.

I tried to talk, but nothing came out. "Mm-hum," I mumbled, whipping away the tears that had escaped.

"Thank you."

"I have to go, Lai. Love you."

"Love you too, bye."

I hung up the phone and took a deep breath. Walking out of the room and past the nurse, the memory of our fight that led me here replay threw my head. I held her words echo in my ears. I knew as soon as I had said it, that I was going to break my promise. I'll flop. After all, I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm just doing what the doctors said.


End file.
